You’re Still Going - but at What Cost? Why Talking About Burnout Changes Everything

Esther Dietrichsen-Farley
Apr 21
4 min read

Updated: 5 days ago

We tend to throw the word burnout around like confetti: “Oh, I’m just burnt out.” As if it’s a temporary glitch, something a coffee or weekend off will fix. But real burnout runs deeper. It doesn’t just live in your inbox or your calendar. It seeps into your body, your relationships, your sense of self and, quietly begins to rewrite how you experience the world.

At The Farley, we don’t just see burnout. We sit with it. We hear it in the silence between the words, in the disconnection behind the perfectly curated life, in the kind of exhaustion that even sleep can’t touch. And more often than not, burnout isn’t where the story begins - or ends.

Robot alone in a museum, surrounded by people and art - representing quiet burnout and the sense of going through the motions without feeling.

What Burnout Really Feels Like

Burnout doesn’t always look like a breakdown. In fact, most of the time, it looks like getting through the day on autopilot. You show up, smile, tick the boxes, but inside, something’s off. You feel flat. Numb. Like you’ve gone missing from your own life.

You might notice:

Chronic exhaustion, no matter how much rest you get
Brain fog and difficulty making decisions
Irritability or resentment, even toward people you love
A sense of disconnection from joy, purpose, and yourself
Physical aches with no clear medical cause
Going through the motions, but feeling robotic

Burnout isn’t just tiredness. It’s the body and mind’s protest after being stretched too thin, for too long, in too much silence. It’s not just a professional problem, it’s a deeply human one.

Burnout Rarely Travels Alone

At The Farley, we often see burnout tangled up with other challenges:

Anxiety: that constant hum of “too much” or “not enough,” relentless inner pressure, bodily tension
Depression: emotional flatness, a loss of interest in things that used to matter
Relationship struggles: irritability, withdrawal, feeling disconnected or misunderstood
Life transitions: new roles, identity shifts, grief, invisible expectations
Unresolved trauma: when the nervous system is stuck in survival mode
Unspoken grief: losses we haven’t acknowledged, let alone processed

These aren’t isolated issues. They overlap, reinforce each other, and make burnout hard to name until it’s deeply embedded.

Men and Burnout: The Hidden Epidemic

Burnout affects everyone, but it’s often missed or masked in men. Many men are taught to perform, not process. To succeed, not feel. That pressure creates a quiet, internal collapse that’s hard to name and harder to admit.

In therapy, we hear things like:

“I’m not okay, but I don’t know what’s wrong.”
“Everyone says I’m doing well, but I feel like I’m crumbling.”
“I used to care… now I can’t feel anything.”

Burnout in men often shows up as:

Anger or impatience
Withdrawal from others
Physical symptoms like gut issues, insomnia, or low libido
A persistent sense of failure, even when they’re objectively successful

At The Farley, we gently challenge that silence. Therapy can be the first place where you’re allowed to stop performing and simply be.

Why Therapy and Why Now?

Yes, go for that walk. Get fresh air. Sleep. Eat nourishing food. These things help; but they aren’t the full picture. Because burnout isn’t just about behaviour. It’s about disconnection: from your voice, your values, your limits, your longings.

That’s where therapy, especially Person-Centred Therapy, makes a difference.

CBT often gets the spotlight with its structured, outcome-driven approach. But when burnout is rooted in emotional exhaustion and loss of meaning, a deeper kind of therapy is needed. A landmark study by Elliott et al. (2013) found that Person-Centred Therapy is as effective as CBT, and in many cases, more attuned to people struggling with long-standing emotional pain. Rather than pushing you to “reframe the thought,” it offers a space to understand why it hurts, how it shaped you, and who you are underneath it all. It’s not about fixing you; it’s about finding you again.

As Dr. Martha Beck writes:

“Burnout is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that something is wrong with the way you’re living.”

And more poignantly:

“Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.”

You Don’t Have to Earn Rest

At The Farley, we believe you don’t need to be on the brink to ask for help. Burnout doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human - in a world that often demands you act like a machine.

Our work is quiet. Slow. Deeply human. We won’t hand you a worksheet. We’ll offer you space. We won’t ask you to perform, just to show up. Whether you’re lost in the fog, on the edge, or just wondering if this is all there is, therapy can be the first step toward coming home to yourself.

Start to Feel Human Again

Our tagline - feel like yourself again - is at the heart of what we do. Because when burnout strips away your capacity to feel joy, connection, and presence, the path forward isn’t paved with productivity hacks.

It starts with one conversation. 50 minutes. One moment of being truly seen. You don’t have to have the right words. You just need to be willing to show up.

You’re allowed to feel again. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to be human.

If burnout has been creeping in, it might be time to talk. Please feel free to book a free initial consultation or reach out for a conversation.

A note on language

In the UK, people often use the terms counselling and therapy interchangeably. I use both too. While some people view counselling as more short-term and therapy as deeper work, the two often overlap in real life. In my practice, what matters most is that the space feels human, safe, and attuned to you.

Whether you're searching for counselling Southampton, private therapy in Southampton, or exploring private therapy online across the UK, The Farley offers a consistent, grounded space to come back to yourself - whether you think of it as therapy, counselling, or something you’re still figuring out.

The Farley