Founders and Stress: The Quiet Strain Behind High Achievement

Esther Dietrichsen-Farley
May 6, 2024
3 min read

Updated: 12 minutes ago

You’re used to stress.

You perform under pressure.

You keep going when others would stop.

But what if the same qualities that make you successful are also keeping you stuck?

This is the stress paradox: the habits that helped you build your business - grit, endurance, self-reliance - are the same ones that can lead to burnout. Not in one big collapse, but in the slow erosion of your nervous system, relationships, and sense of self.

Two women face each other, one in red and one in blue - symbolising the internal split founders often experience between outward control and inner stress

The Double Bind of High-Functioning Stress

Founders are often praised for their resilience. But inside that word is a problem.

To be “resilient” often means to keep showing up no matter what. To tolerate more than is reasonable. To get used to chronic pressure, decision fatigue, and emotional suppression - and to keep performing as if everything is fine.

This kind of stress doesn’t always look frantic. It often looks competent. Reliable. Calm.

But physiologically, your body is running on adrenaline and cortisol.

You might:

Wake at 3am with your mind racing
Snap at someone and immediately feel shame
Struggle to concentrate, despite working longer hours
Feel emotionally flat, detached, or suddenly tearful

Underneath the surface, your nervous system is over-functioning.

It’s not just stress. It’s survival mode in a smart disguise.

(If this feels familiar, you might want to explore how this shows up as high-functioning burnout or high-functioning anxiety. Both can mask themselves as competence - until something inside starts to fray. You might also enjoy my reflections in the blogpost For the Ones Who Can’t Switch Off.)

You're not the only one holding it all together while quietly unravelling.

Research shows that founder stress is widespread - but rarely spoken about. A 2023 UK-wide survey found that 72% of founders said their mental health had suffered due to work. Anxiety, burnout, panic attacks - often hidden beneath calm exteriors. Another study showed how long-term stress changes how we think and feel, weakening memory, focus, and emotional regulation. The body copes until it can’t. But by then, it can feel like you’ve lost yourself.

Why Founders Stay in It

You may have good reasons for pushing through.

Early success may have depended on your ability to tolerate discomfort.

You may have learned that rest equals laziness, or that asking for help isn’t safe.

Many founders avoid therapy because the act of stopping feels foreign - or even dangerous. There’s no room to unravel when you’re the one holding everything together.

But you don’t have to wait for a full collapse to change course.

You don’t have to break to ask for space.

How I Work at The Farley

I offer private therapy for adults who are functioning outwardly but struggling underneath - including many high-performing founders and professionals.

At The Farley, therapy isn’t another place to perform. It’s not about becoming “better” in a linear way. It’s about becoming more connected to yourself - with warmth, honesty, and care.

Together, we can explore:

How your stress patterns were shaped - and why they’ve been hard to let go
What your nervous system is doing beneath the surface
Where you’ve learned to perform calm instead of feel safe
How your sense of self-worth became tied to your output

My approach is relational and grounded in person-centred therapy - which means we move at your pace, not mine. You don’t need a goal to start. Just enough curiosity to want something different.

Therapy doesn’t erase pressure. But it can help you relate to it differently - without self-abandoning in the process.

Please feel free to book a free initial consultation or reach out for a conversation.

A note on language

In the UK, people often use the terms counselling and therapy interchangeably. I use both too. While some people view counselling as more short-term and therapy as deeper work, the two often overlap in real life. In my practice, what matters most is that the space feels human, safe, and attuned to you.

Whether you're searching for counselling Southampton, private therapy in Southampton, or exploring private therapy online across the UK, The Farley offers a consistent, grounded space to come back to yourself - whether you think of it as therapy, counselling, or something you’re still figuring out.

The Farley