How Do I Choose a Therapist (When I’m Already Overthinking It)? The Farley: Private therapy in Southampton & online across the UK
- Esther Dietrichsen-Farley
- Feb 2
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
You’ve thought about therapy more than once.
Maybe you’ve searched “counselling in Southampton”, "private therapy online UK", opened a dozen tabs, skimmed through bios - and closed them all again. Because how are you meant to know who’s the right fit?
Especially when you’re still showing up for everything - work, family, life - but inside, it feels like you’re fading. Like part of you is quietly disappearing, and no one’s noticed.
You might be here if...
You keep functioning, but it costs more than anyone knows
You feel emotionally unreachable - even to yourself
You carry a constant weight of “I should be fine”, even when you’re not
You long for connection, but the thought of being vulnerable feels exhausting
You’ve tried therapy before, but it felt too clinical, too quick, or too surface-level
You can’t explain exactly what’s wrong - just that you don’t feel like you anymore
This post won’t tell you what kind of therapy you should choose. But it might help you figure out what kind of therapist you’d feel safe enough to be real with.
Why it’s hard to choose
The choice itself can feel exhausting. You want to get it right. You want to know the difference between therapies, between styles, between someone who looks great on paper and someone who might actually be able to sit with your complex inner world.
A 2011 meta-analysis from Norcross & Wampold showed that clients are more likely to stay in therapy - and benefit from it - when they feel an emotional connection early on. But that connection can be hard to sense from a headshot and a blurb.
So you scroll. You leave tabs open. You mean to come back later. But the ache stays. You’re holding so much, quietly. And maybe you’ve convinced yourself it’s not enough to reach out.
What to look for
There’s no single right answer - only what feels possible, safe, and human to you.
Here are three gentle questions that might help:
Do I feel seen in the way they describe their clients or work?
Do I sense care, not just professionalism, in how they communicate?
Does something about them feel grounded, even if I can’t explain it?
You don’t need to feel certain. You just need to feel something - a small sense of, “maybe here.”
Qualifications & connection both matter
Therapy is a professional field grounded in years of training, ethical responsibility, and lifelong learning. I trained as a person-centred counsellor & psychotherapist, and continue CPD in trauma-informed, somatic, and relational approaches. These qualifications reflect my commitment to safe, ethical practice.
But credentials aren’t everything.
Evidence (Lambert & Barley, 2001) suggests that up to 30% of therapy outcomes are shaped by the therapeutic relationship itself - the felt sense of being met, without judgement or pressure.
This is something Dr Gabor Maté echoes in his reflections on therapy - that it’s the therapeutic relationship, not just what the therapist knows, that makes the difference. I shared a short clip from him that resonated deeply with others:
At The Farley, both training and attunement matter. The space I offer is grounded, warm, and responsive - not one-size-fits-all.
What therapy at The Farley feels like
If you're wondering whether this could be a good fit, here’s what you can expect.
I offer:
Private therapy in Southampton from a quiet, private practice
Online therapy across the UK for flexibility and continuity
50-minute weekly sessions tailored to your pace, not a protocol
A person-centred, relational approach - no agenda, no fixing, no expectations
There’s space here to talk. Or to be quiet. To not know where to start. You don’t need a diagnosis. You don’t need to explain it all. You just need to feel that this could be a space where you can be real.
If you’re overthinking it, it probably matters
You don’t need to be in crisis. You don’t need to be certain. Sometimes, choosing a therapist isn’t about having the right words - it’s about allowing yourself to reach out before everything unravels.
If something about The Farley feels right, trust that feeling. You don’t have to commit to months or know where it’s going. You just have to be willing to begin.
Please feel free to book a free initial consultation or reach out for a conversation.
A note on language
In the UK, people often use the terms counselling and therapy interchangeably. I use both too. While some people view counselling as more short-term and therapy as deeper work, the two often overlap in real life. In my practice, what matters most is that the space feels human, safe, and attuned to you.
Whether you're searching for counselling Southampton, private therapy in Southampton, or exploring private therapy online across the UK, The Farley offers a consistent, grounded space to come back to yourself - whether you think of it as therapy, counselling, or something you’re still figuring out.
Further Reading & References
Lambert, M. J., & Barley, D. E. (2001). Research summary on the therapeutic relationship and psychotherapy outcome. Psychotherapy, 38(4), 357–361.
Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2011). Evidence-based therapy relationships: Research conclusions and clinical practices. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 98–102.
